Becks: I'm Bad To The Bone

Re-worked soccer ace set to ditch clean cut image

Becks: Too much WKD

No good kids

Phwoooaaaarrr!!!!

David Beckham confessed today that his decision to admit that he got deliberately booked during England's World Cup clash with Wales was all part of a plan to reinvent himself as a soccer hard man.

Beckham hopes to develop a bad boy image by getting himself stripped of the captaincy.

Preggers plays alcopops

The plan is the brain child of Image consultants Cocque au Ring who recently won the contract to take care of the England captain's public profile. Chief Executive Ernesto Cockgroupier felt that Beckham's wholesome family man image was losing credibility amongst today's youth.

Cockgroupier is hoping to appeal to that section of young who hang out on park benches, drinking cheap cider and alcopops. You know, the type who think those WKD adverts are actually funny. Sociologists call them Generation Teen-Preggers.

Pass the crackling

"These kids aren't looking for role models any more. They want there football players to be cheating lying scumbags whose aspirations are similar to their own." Cockgroupier told The Onion Bag

"They want to see player's scoring a blinding goal for England, getting themselves banned for the next game just because they don't fancy going to an ecological black hole like Baku and then freely admitting it directly afterwards."

"We feel that the modern professional's time, rather than spending an evening at home with the wife, would be better spent out with his mates, knocking back the After Shock, burying his face in a big pile of charlie and then heading back to the hotel to spit roast a west London media whore."

No change

Cockgroupier went on to say that Beckham's apology for admitting to, what is common practice anyway amongst footballers (or so we're told by ex-pro's desperate to believe that they can still relate to the modern game) was all part of the plan. "It's the classic maneuver of fake remorse after the damage is done. The kids will love it."

Beckham was still in apologetic mood when we caught up with him in a Madrid coffee shop. "I'm sorry I don't have any change on me."

Duffman