New Bag Game Launch In Trouble

Experts blame missing tiles

Fantasy Football Agent: wrong kind of tiles

Cheap plugs

Dedicated staff: happy to help

The Onion Bag's latest desperate attempt to direct traffic to its site is in crisis with the launch of its brand new game facing cancellation before it's even begun.

The new game is called Fantasy Football Agent and threatens to turn the fantasy gaming world upside down with its original approach, unique game-play and the fact that it's free. Players become agents and hire premier league footballers. Points are awarded according to how often they turn up in the news rather than how badly they play on the pitch.

Next slide please

Every night, in our orbiting space station, The Onion Bag's crack team of chimpanzees rescued from a furnace belonging to a leading tea distributor sift through all the news articles posted on the Internet and, like bugs off their mother's backs, pick out all the stories featuring Premiership footballers and run it through a colossal adding machine turning those stories into points which are then beamed back to earth and awarded to each Agent.

Competitions run every month and all year round. Private leagues can be set up so people can challenge their enemies to prevent unnecessary bloodshed and avoid awkward questions from the constabulary.

Evil applications

However, the games development has been dogged by problems and delays. The first batch of chimps rejected their implants and ran amok on a rampage wiping out nearly half the population of South Norwood. Then the game designer, Sp3ktor, almost resigned following a disagreement over use of the games engine in The Onion Bag's atomic and chemical weapons divisions. Now officials are blaming development problems on loose tiles that may cause the game to burn upon re-entry.

Crazy promises

Onion Bag editor Duffman remains confident that the game will launch on schedule on 19th August 2006. "Players can start signing up from today at www.fantasyfootballagent.com and can have a team set up in minutes. I have personally assured our co-owner Vlad Nutchopov that the game will be ready for next week. I have staked my life on it" he said at the back of a mile long queue for the Remote Airlines check-in at Gatwick Airport.

Fantasy Football Agent is the new game brought to you by The Onion Bag. Sign up and play for free at www.fantasyfootballagent.com .

Duffman