Technical Difficulties

Millions stranded as broadcaster goes under

Football on TV: Happier times

Failed to get off the ground

Thalia Zucchi: Must stay at least 100 yards away from

The FA have been forced out of their beds this morning after the shocking news that a broadcaster of England matches has gone bankrupt and millions of viewers will be left without them.

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The broadcaster outbid Sky Sports for the rights for many of England's away fixtures. They spent a fortune trying to entice new subscribers to their channel with the promise of vital World Cup Qualifiers. However, the company's liquidation has left the rights in limbo.

"We did everything we could to save those rights" said the broadcaster's PR consultant Ernesto Cockgroupier "We made all our staff redundant and hired monkeys for schedulers but it was no use. We barely escaped with our bonuses."

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The collapse leaves the fans with their hopes shattered: "Its a faaking disgrace" says Nick Dogbolter, an England Clubcard holder from Mitcham "Ingerlund games should never 'ave left Sky. What am I payin' my TV licence for?"

Michael Grade

The writing was on the wall as early as last week when the broadcaster couldn't sell highlights to a free-to-air TV stations which meant that most fans missed the game."It used to cost tuppence for England matches when Sky held the rights" an ITV insider told the Onion Bag's intrepid reporter Larry Gak. "But this new lot wanted to charge us proper money. What do they think we are solvent?"

However, when it transpired that England, not only won but put in their best performance since Munich, there was uproar as the usually disinterested or lapsed football fans demanded their God given right to watch football on TV.

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"It's an absolute disgrace" said supporter activist Les Dyke "I probably only watch two or three games a year and really wanted to watch this one, especially after I'd found out we'd won. Its not what I pay my TV licence for I can tell you. Who are these people anyway? They don't seem to have a number, much less a name."

The broadcaster was unavailable for comment since no one could find them in the Yellow Pages.

Duffman