'oullier To Join Fame Academy

'Oullier to chance his arm with the 2nd rate egg chasers

Houllier: Must dash

Fame Academy: Must watch

Kylie: Must stay at least 100 yards away from

Gerard 'Oullier could soon be leaving Anfield to front the Australian version of Fame Academy.

Not Sellers

"I got a phone call from someone in Australia asking me for advice about 'ow to up a show to fand a new pop star, in ze mould of Holly Valance or Stefan Dennis," he explained in a very 'Allo Allo' accent.

"I said I could not 'elp 'im. I told 'im, ah am a football manajer. But 'e was quite insistent and explained zat zey were looking for someone oo 'as a good eye for talent, so naturalment 'e zought of me" said the Frenchman without a hint of sarcasm.

Heartless Deeley Jibe

When asked whether his lack of show biz talent would get in the way of his decision, he replied "Well eet 'asn't stopped Cat Deeley!"

We asked Liverpool Chief Executive, Rick Parry, if he would allow Mr 'Oullier to join the aussie "talent" show. "Sure, great, yeah, why not. I mean yeah obviously, big disappointment and all that but erm you know 'live for today', eh? Wouldn't want to get in Gerard's way for this once in a lifetime opportunity, very sad though obviously" he hurriedly offered, whilst surreptitiously pushing a pile of CVs out of our sight.

She Comes To Me In My Dreams M'Lud

The new show with the working title "Strewth! Look At The Norks On Her" will go up against the Australian version of Pop Idol, called Neighbours. We at the Onion Bag wanted to ask Australian pop princess, Kylie Minogue, what she thought of the decision to hire the Liverpool boss to front the show but our restraining order prevents us.

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