Barton's Kitchen Nightmares

City bad boy turns celeb chef

Barton: Relishing the challenge

Ramsay: Cauldron of emotion

Thompson: Biting wit

In an Onion Bag exclusive, we can reveal the first of many gourmet recipes featured on the soon to be former Manchester City star Joey Barton's new cookery programme Barton's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC3.

Chomp

The England under 21 star has made the career change following a drunken incident in a Thai hotel bar where he is alleged to have got into a fight with a fifteen year old and bit the hand of his team mate and club captain Richard Dunne.

Chump

The new show airs this August and Barton is tipped to become the biggest thing since TV's other culinary bad boy Gordon Ramsay. "We are all very excited at seeing Joey’s dishes come to life" said BBC Director-General Mark Thompson "I can't wait to sink my teeth into them."

Joey's Radisson Thai Meatball Stew

Ingredients:

1x stroppy premier league football player

1x fifteen year old Evertonian (including family)

1x cheap hamlet cigar

1x set of well maintained nashers

1x bewildered team mate (club captain optional)

1x ecstatic Sky Sports journalist

10x pints of lager (adjust strength in accordance to player’s capacity)

Cooking instructions:

Consume the lager over a period of several hours maintaining an uneven temperature. Take no abuse from loudmouth teenager in the Everton shirt. When adding the family, make sure they are thoroughly whipped. Involve team mate unnecessarily (adjust mixture to taste). Add some cigar ash and stir well before returning home both disgraced and finished.

Duffman