Moore Money

The new 'Bobby' to lighten the pockets of footballers

Bobby: Grand

Wallets: Filled to bursting

Bung: Lightening the load

The Bank of England has announced it will soon be producing £1000 notes with the image of World Cup winning captain Bobby Moore on them.

Bob

"Current wage levels of footballers, and spiralling dodgy transfer payments are putting an ever increasing burden on banknote demand," a Bank of England spokesperson told us. "With so much being stuffed into brown paper bags or designer wallets, it's getting increasingly harder for us to keep up."

Bobby Moore has always been loved by the nation and the media, except for that time when the only work he could get was for local radio and low-grade tit-rag, the Daily Sport.

Two Ponies

The current highest denomination of Bank of note is currently £50 - however these are solely used by drug dealers and people who attend car auctions. With its easy portability, the new note should prove a god-send to the nouveau riche.

Barrel of Monkeys

"It's great, I can fit my entire week's wages into a small carrier bag now," an unnamed premiership player told intrepid Onion Bag reporter Larry Gak. "I'm glad they didn't put him on the twenty - I don't think I would have liked to have him smiling back at me while I stuff him into some tart's knicker elastic."

Sp3ktor