I Scu-cifer

Official: Scudamore is son of Satan

Scudamore: Ave Satani

Scudamore: No not him the other one

Jack Warner: No not him the other one

Basra - 1928. Famous archaeologist Cornelius Limbani and journalist Clarence Gak uncover a secret tomb. There, painted on the wall, they find the face of the devil's spawn. Before they can escape to warn the World, the tomb collapses and they are buried alive.

Leo McKern

Eighty years later. Dr Julius Limbani, Head of Satan Studies at Croydon University and intrepid Onion Bag reporter Larry Gak return to find their progenitors desiccated corpses and see the face of the anti-Christ. It is the face of Premier League Chief Executive Richard Scudamore.

Sam Neill

As humanity comes to terms with this revelation, few find themselves truly surprised. After all, every one knows that Scudamore is evil. Over the last two weeks he has been demonised by the media and public because of his diabolical scheme to expand his Empire via the terrifyingly evil International Round.

Patrick Troughton

"I suspected this all along." said prominant Blogger 200peopleonthepitch "If we hadn't found out this way then he would have revealed himself eventually. Possibly through some hideous lamb slaughtering ritual before Manchester United's first game in Beijing. I have conducted a great deal of research and can confirm that the Premier League logo is in fact the symbol of the mighty demon Al Zagaroth..." he continued on like this for another 700 words while intrepid reporter Larry Gak continually slapped him around the face with a wet fish until he finally got the message.

Gregory Peck

Scudamore's unmasking will come as a set back to the League's plans for a 39th game. FIFA boss Sepp Blatter has already stated that he will not back the plans. "No one from my organisation will do a deal with the Devil again. Not even Jack Warner."

Breaking News: Sepp Blatter found dead, choked on his own hair-loss cream.

Duffman