Munich Rights

Fans free to mock the dead

What the matter no sense of humour?

We have rights too you know?

Planning a night in

Manchester United hating football fans have won a landmark case at the European Court to be allowed to ruin the commemoration of the fiftieth anniversary of Munich Air disaster. A minutes silence is planned in memory of those who died during England's friendly with Switzerland and the upcoming Manchester Derby.

Classy

For years, fans have amused themselves with songs celebrating the tragic death of almost the entire United first team in an air crash in 1958. Such ditties as Always Look On The Runway For Ice and Who's That Dying On The Runway? are the epitome of terrace banter, reflecting the wit and integrity of those who sing them. However, the suits at the FA and radical supporter groups are trying to block supporters from this time honored custom during the minutes silence.

Justice

A deputation of supporters went to the European Court of Human Rights to have their right to insult the memory of the dead, their families and the survivors of the crash secured by law. Fans representative Nick Dogbolter welcomed the ruling. "This is a victory for supporters," he told the Onion Bag's intrepid reporter Larry Gak. "For years ordinary fans have been ignored by the people whose wages we pay. Its reassuring that in an era of foreign ownership and high finance ruining our game that we can still retain the traditions that we hold dear."

Community activist, inter-fan tolerance spokesman and all round leftie Les Dyke was outraged. "Its political correctness gone mad," she said. "You couldn't make it up."

Dead man walking

While English football holds its breath ahead of the anniversary, one man wishes he could be there. However, David Beckham will not be able to earn his 100th cap for England on Wednesday after being temporarily dropped by new coach Fabio Capello. "He's not that bothered actually," said a close friend. "All that mourning and sadness would have cramped my... I mean his style."

Duffman