“Don’t get too excited mate, you won't be able to hide any stains on those shorts.” The above is a typical example of the sort of banter between middle-aged men who frequent non-league football. The shorts in question belonged to a Haywards Heath Town fan who happily was still wearing them and whose team had just scored one of the four they would bag at Lancing FC in the Preliminary Round of the FA Cup. I’m only a recent resident of West Sussex and I’ve learned very quickly that most men of a certain age wear shorts, down here. It’s very much part of the uniform. Being of a certain age myself and anxious to fit in, I too am wearing shorts, which I never did when I lived in Croydon. I suspect that shorts demonstrate masculinity among those who have recently lost their youth and they make a great topic for ice-breaking banter at non-league football matches. Especially if, like the aforementioned fan, they happened to be pink. The remark generated its intended mirth and the Haywards H