Bullard Knee-capped Up

Jimmy's kneecap still at large

Bullard: perdoink!

Kneecap: happier times

"Stop playin' witcha self Hoopah!"

The search continues for Fulham midfielder Jimmy Bullard's kneecap following his horrific injury against Newcastle last Saturday.

EMF

The nauseating knee-knack occured as he went for a ball with Scott Parker. Suddenly his leg went wonky and his kneecap popped out and shot like a bullet into the upper atmosphere. The sight of it had the spectators gasping in horror. Sky Sports reporter Chris Kamara was visibly shaken during his live reports on Soccer Saturday. "I can scarcely believe it, Jeff" he said.

Snap

Medical experts are confident that the effervescent Jimmy will be back on his feet and playing football in no time once the kneecap is clipped back into it's socket, assuming the soar-away sesamoid bone can actually be found. It was propelled upwards at 200 mph and disappeared off the radar shortly after Fulham's scored their winning goal that afternoon.

You all know me

Cottagers' manager Chris Coleman, himself no stranger to serious injury, has posted a £50,000 reward for the propelled patella's recovery. Coleman has already received a number of offers from football agents claiming to be able to recover the missing knee but for a lot more money than was on offer. "They told me they'd find it for £50,000 but catch it for £100,000." he told The Onion Bag. "The top, the bottom, the whole damn thing."

Rich creamery butter

Amidst unconfirmed reports that the knee was spotted by Russian Cosmonauts aboard the latest Sputnik satellite orbiting the Earth (while searching for space oil), the search continues. Meanwhile, Bullard himself lies, under sedation, at a private hospital in West London waiting for his missing joint. "They've given me something for the pain." he said while frantically pressing the morphine release button on his remote control "and look. I can bend my knee all the way back to here... disgusting isn't it? I was sick the first time too."

Duffman