Spaniards Flown In As Fox Hunting Ban Begins

Punishment severe for Spanish racists

Toffs: Leave the tubby one to me

Dog food

Let the hunt begin

Following the disgraceful scenes in Madrid last week, the Spanish FA has apologised for the conduct of their fans and offered 1,000 of them to British toffs to hunt as recompense.

The move has been been welcomed by Tony Blair and his Government, not least because it puts the brakes on an emerging political furore between Great Britain and Spain but also because it solves the pressing domestic issue of the hunting ban.

Tally-Ho Kaye

Specially constructed cages will transport the first 100 Spanish fans at the end of the month. The cages will be placed in secret countryside locations the length and breadth of the land. At midday on the second Sunday in December, their whereabouts will be published on the Internet, the Spaniards will be released and red-jacketed toffs astride horses, together with packs of baying hounds, will then tear across the fields until the dirty racists collapse from exhaustion and are summarily ripped apart. Young toffs will then have their faces smeared with BLOOD in the ritualistic "blooding" all stupid, aristocratic children have to endure.

Black Belt Chris Adams

Mr Blair said, "We welcome this gesture from the Spanish FA. It also shows this Government's committment to the British countryside and its inhabitants, be they the aristocracy, bumpkins, or inbreds."

But Les Dyke, director of the charity Racists In Need, complained "This is a disgrace. Honest racists locked in cages and released to be hunted? These people need our help, not more punishment."

Giant Haystacks

Jethro Barleycorn, President of the Countryside Alliance removed the ear of wheat from his mouth long enough to say of the decision, "Get orrfff moy larrndd!".

Meanwhile, Spanish palaeontologists in Barcelona have discovered the fossilised remains of a skeleton they proudly claim is the father of Shaun Wright-Philips.

Castro