Pearce: I'll Rip Out Player's Spines

Psycho killer qu'est que c'est ?

Dun-dur

Dun-dur

Dun-duuuuur

Manchester City manager has condemned his player's dismal 1-0 defeat to Middlesbrough last Sunday as "Spineless" and has threatened to rip out the spinal column of any of his squad members if they ever play that badly again.

"I'm disgusted." Pearce told The Onion Bag's intrepid reporter Larry Gak as they chatted alone in his office. "Worse, I'm insane with rage. I want to kill everyone in this room" he continued to our increasingly terrified reporter.

You can run...

"I'm the first to get behind my players when things are tough" said the former England full back. "But on this occasion, I'll be behind them with a pair of marigolds and surgical hacksaw"

The man they call Psycho's outburst has led to certain members of the City first team going into hiding. Danny Mills is currently imitating a bingo hall in Redditch and David James has taken refuge in a disused tarpaulin factory. The occasional shot stopper didn't do much wrong but has made a habit of ducking for cover when things go tits up.

Fergie rant

Pearce's outburst has been criticised by the football world as excessive. Apart from Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of City rivals Manchester United, who thinks his opposite number hasn't gone far enough. "Personally ah would'nae tear their spines oot. It's too good for 'em. Ah'd rip their f**king heeds off and stick 'em on a pike outside the ground for the bloodthirsty mob tae throw rotting cabbages at."

Real or imagined

Meanwhile, Pearce has taken to wearing a hockey mask, opened up a motel and is currently engaged in an inner dialogue with his mother.

Duffman