Weekly football conversation since 2009, with Graham Sibley, Jan Bilton and Terry Duffelen. Listen on Apple, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn or your podcatcher of choice.

John Terry's School Days

A new head joins

John Terry (left): gang leader
John Terry (left): gang leader
Fatty Lampard: raided the tuck shop
Fatty Lampard: raided the tuck shop
Capello: prepared to listen to Terry
Capello: prepared to listen to Terry
Chapter 42

"Botheration!" cried Topliss Terry, leader of the Football Gang at the Soho Finishing School for Boys. "The new head's a Johnny Foreigner! Mister Capello is his name, and I'm for the chop as gang leader, it says here!" Terry announced slamming the newspaper down on the common room table and agitating his recently distressed foot. The boys all jumped, except young Master Ashley, who was off fagging somewhere.

It was a Saturday afternoon and the wealthy boys were skiving more than ever since Headmaster McClaren had been dismissed for messing up the school trip to Austria and Switzerland.

"Blimmin' heck!" remarked little Joey Cole, the smallest member of the gang, but that never stopped him getting up to all sorts. "What'll we do, Tel? He might try and put a stop to all our sordid adventures."

"Joey's right," squealed Fatty Lampard as he tucked into a box of cakes he'd cajoled Bean-pole Crouch into stealing with his incredibly long arms. "We need - gulp, munch - a plan to put him - chomp, slobber - out of business."

Biffa Rooney snorted. "Next training session, I'll break his legs."

"Too agricultural," said Terry shaking his head. "Let's ask Flash Harry what to do."

Topliss Terry went over to the common room window and whistled sharply. Across the school playing field, there was a rustle in the bushes and suddenly everyone could hear tinkling, comedy piano music as a shifty looking character with a Crombie pulled tight across his chest and a trilby on head head furtively made his way over to the boys.

"Yes lads?" asked the spiv-like Flash Harry Redknapp.

"Hallo Harry. This Capello cove is all set to bally well queer our lot. There's talk he'll bring back the cane! No, not that kind of cane, Joey. We need to get rid of him, and quick, Harry," Topliss explained.

Flash sniffed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "No worries, lads. Just keep playing the way you've always done, like , and he'll be on his way soon enough."

Next week: the boys get up to all kinds of japes at the Christmas lap-dancing party

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