Weekly football conversation since 2009, with Graham Sibley, Jan Bilton and Terry Duffelen. Listen on Apple, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn or your podcatcher of choice.

Unlocking The Secrets Of The Universe

Pundit wonders what it all means

Pundit: Keeping count
Pundit: Keeping count
JB Monksmoor as a youth team player
JB Monksmoor as a youth team player
Tennis: Must stay at least 100 yards away from
Tennis: Must stay at least 100 yards away from
Funny old thing, Football. For instance, high-scoring games. 6-4, 7-4 — I ask you, what are they playing — tennis??
Weird scores
Calls to mind Cambridge United in the 1954-55 season; I'm sure you thought the same. As you know, after a promising start, in November United suddenly lost four home games in a row — 7-5, 8-2, 16-2 and 9-3. Weird scores. Even weirder, considering they were still winning, or at least drawing, away games.
Rum do
Turned out their goalie at the time, JB Monksmoor, wasn't just a goalie — he was also a professor in quantum physics at a nearby university. Anyhoo, being a science Johnny (as opposed to a pundit Johnny), he'd worked out that a certain sequence of numbers (in this case, the scores of five football games) on a certain series of dates (as it happened, the dates of United's five home games in November 1954) formed a complex mathematical formula which, in short — bit of a rum do, this — well, it unlocked All The Secrets of the Known Universe. If viewed in a certain light, through the fingers of your left hand, on every other Tuesday, or something. Which was handy.
Monksmoor was of course in a good position to influence the numbers in the correct direction, which he duly did for the first four home games. Unfortunately, as a result he was then dropped for the fifth home game. He tried to protest, squawking: 'But if we lose the next game 19-7, we'll unlock All The Secrets of the Known Universe! No, really…!' Shame: the manager and the coaching staff were a short-sighted bunch, and they went and won 1-0 instead.
Apparently random
To this day, All The Secrets of the Known Universe await a similar sequence of apparently random numbers (it says here). Rumour has it, though, that such a sequence could resemble the mobile number of the next England captain to lift the World Cup. Don't wait up.
Johnny Pundit

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