No Pay, Jose

10 point penalty puts paid to Mourinho

Jose: More than you can afford sunshine

World Cup qualifying table (artists impression)

Ricky Hatton: Not ready yet

The England team face a ten point deduction in their World Cup qualifying group amidst concerns that the FA are about to enter administration. The cash crisis threatens England's chances of qualification in 2010. Even worse, it rules out the chance of them affording Jose Mourinho as their next manager.

Money talks

Stories of the governing body's financial woes began circulating after England failed to qualify for Euro 2008. Mainly because of the millions of pounds in lost revenue but also because football hacks were desperate for something to talk about.

The cost of Wembley stadium plus pay-offs for failed managers has put the FA under increasing financial pressure. With no prospect of summer football next year the FA may be forced to go into administration. "We've got more goin' out than we've got comin' in," said an FA spokesman after having been rejected for a loan from Ocean Finance.

A small fee

If England do go into administration they would automatically be deducted 10 points from their total in the World Cup qualifying group. With such a disadvantage, its unlikely that the FA could persuade Mourinho to take the England job, let alone pay his wages.

"The rules clearly state that any country that enters administration must suffer a ten point deduction," said a FIFA spokesman. "Of course we could change the rules but only after large considerations. We doubt England's consideration would be large enough to fill a paper cup."

A grand old team to play for

FA bigwigs are considering alternative revenue raising exercises to excite punters and sponsors alike to swell the coffers. One option is to travel to Australia next summer in a hastily arranged football equivalent to the Ashes. Another idea, to join the other home nations and Ireland in the Celtic Cup, was ruled out as it is well known that England support Rangers.

Seeing stars

Meanwhile, speculation abounds as to who the new cut price England manager will be. Odds on recently defeated boxer Ricky Hatton have lengthened following medical reports that his brain isn't damaged enough to take the job.

Duffman