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Exposed: Ex Soccer Stars In Dole Cheat Ring



An Onion Bag Special Report

Hoddle: We're on to you
Hoddle: We're on to you
Marsh: Scrounger
Marsh: Scrounger
Best: Ring leader
Best: Ring leader
The Onion Bag can exclusively reveal a shocking benefit fraud ring involving out of work soccer legends who are working as television pundits while claiming off the dole.

This collection of villainous scroungers, sponging the already overburdened welfare state are none other than former England manager Glenn Hoddle, ex QPR and Man City loudmouth Rodney Marsh and none other than European Cup winning legend George Best.

The Onion Bag first became aware of this evil cabal of benefit cheats when a member of The Onion Bags staff, Larry Gak, spotted Hoddle claiming benefit at a labour exchange in north London.
Brass
"I'd just popped into the dole office to sign on," said Gak, "when who should I see sat at a desk chatting to a lady about how he was still trying to look for work and how difficult it was these days for an out of work football manager to be taken seriously by such employers as HMV and Macdonalds."

"Imagine my amazement," Gak continued, "when later that evening I'm watching a Champions League match and sitting there on the panel of pundits, right next to European Cup winners Ronald Koeman and Graeme Souness, bold as brass is Hoddle."

The intrepid Gak took to stalking the 0 times European Cup winner over the following two days in order to get to the bottom of this scandal. What he discovered was a ring of ex pro's, all claiming benefit while working as TV pundits on the side and the leader of this rang of villains is none other than soccer legend George Best.
Treble
"I followed Hoddle from his house to the local post office where he cashed his dole cheque. He then drove down to this pub in Portsmouth."

"After a knowing nod from the barman, Hoddle went round to the rear of the pub where, sitting round a table were, George Best, Rodney Marsh, Matt Le Tissier and Charlie Nicholas."

"Hoddle handed over a pile of tenners to Best who handed one each to everyone else, including Hoddle, and then pocketed the rest. Nicholas then got up and went to the bar. Best shouted after him: 'make a treble this time yer tight arsed sweaty f**ker'".
Terrible
It seems that this cartel of TV pundits have been operating this ring, with Best as their leader for years. We spoke to a coach in the merseyside area called Phil who was part of the ring but managed to get out of it when his old club offered him a job. "It was terrible. I'm so ashamed." He told us.

"He [Best] made us work for hours on end under those studio lights every Saturday. If we refused he'd send his henchman Stelling over to beat us. Then he made me give him our dole money."

We tried to get hold of Best and confront him with our findings. We were told by his agent, "If you print a word of this we'll sue you for everything you've got."

Feeling litigious? Check out our disclaimer.
Duffman

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