The Onion Bagski

Oligarch puts Bag over his head

Nutchapov (artist's impression)

Van Clenchmonker: Bright future

Unrelated photo

Willhelm Van Clenchmonker, exalted owner of the world's finest satirical football website, The Onion Bag, has welcomed the 50% buy out of that site by Russian legitimate businessman Alexandre Roman Nutchopov.

Gas for guns

The Russian mobster, er, that is entreprenuer, is the son of Vlad Nutchopov, sole owner of 24% of his country's gas supply who is wanted for gun running in various banana republics such as Angola, Columbia and France.

Nutchopov acquired his half share of the Bag from Clenchmonker after negotiations that were described as "good natured with very little bloodshed."

Monopolies and mergers

The new deal will see the Onion Bag become the fourth largest media group in Europe and will result in rival football satire websites being consigned to concrete pillars in new motorways.

The Onion Bag writers will also have first dibs on all the gas in the Ukraine and use of Nutchopov's private Caspian Sea yacht for the third week of February.

Come to read your meter

The Bag's new joint owner is yet to reveal the level of investment in his latest acqustion as he is too busy helping his old man turn a particulary stiff gas pipe into the OFF position.

However, Nutchopov has attended his first editorial steering group yesterday - carrying his trademark baseball bat which he uses to stimulate creativity by developing team spirit.

GT Twobottoms