Evil Premiership

Alternate universe to blame for football's woes

Evil (artist's impression)

Rafa: Replaced by one of them

"Where did i leave my mobile?"

Evil is pouring into soccer, thanks to a rip in the space-time continuum, according to geeky experts. While it had been thought that excessive money being thrown about the game was making top flight football evil it now appears to be down to a Star Trek-style mirror universe.

EPL

"The mirror universe flips reality as we know it," Dr Julius Limbani from the Croydon Centre of Astrophysical Oddness told the Onion Bag's intrepid reporter Lary Gak. "Good becomes evil, evil becomes good. For example, in the mirror universe my research would be used to destroy enemy alien cultures, and you would write for a website that was funny."

He continued: "We've been aware of the increasing spilling over of evil from the mirror universe for some time. The rift seems to have focused on football probably due to fact that evil can be perpetrated almost every day without question."

IPL

According to his researchers, the Imperial Premier League, as it's known in the mirror dimension operates very much like this universe's equivalent. There are a few notable exceptions, such as ten minutes in the agony booth instead of a yellow card, but casual viewers would be hard pressed to spot the difference.

Transfers seem to be far more straightforward as all the people who are football agents on our world, clear third world land mines on the mirror-side.

VPL

Way out of its sphere of knowledge and interest, the Onion Bag has called upon its sister website the Orion Bag to pick up the case. They will not rest until they have routed out the evil in the game. Well they do have plenty of time on their hands - it's not like they've got girlfriends or social lives.

Sp3ktor