Who Owns Johnny Pundit?

Contractual wrangles of a fading wrinkly

Pundit probe

Tevez 08/09 (artist's impression)

Biscuit: Other snacks are available

Funny old thing, Football. Except it isn't. It's deadly serious. It can even end up owning you, as Carlos Tevez has discovered. As one of Pundit's closest colleagues, I wondered who owned Pundit now.

Aquiver

Fothergill here, Football Correspondent of the Light Programme. Pundit was too depressed by the close season to write anything this week and so, aquiver with journalistic curiosity, I embarked on the football equivalent of one of those popular genealogy programmes to discover: WHO OWNS JOHNNY PUNDIT?

Pundit still at war

Charlie Fessops, an acquaintance of mine in the legal profession, helped me shed some light. In more ways than one, Pundit is like Berwick-upon-Tweed: obscure, confused about who he is and apparently still at war with the Germans. For rumour has it that nobody could decide whether Berwick-upon Tweed was in England or Scotland when war was declared on Germany so it signed its own declaration — which nobody remembered to rescind in 1945. Pundit's life as a commercial entity — Fessops informs me — betrays similar lack of contractual nous; he apparently forgot to give any of the contracts he signed end-dates.

'WIGGO — Great head!'

In short, 15% of him is still owned by Peek Freans (which could explain last week's column — old habits die hard) even though someone else, in turn, now owns Peek Freans; 25% of him is owned by 'WIGGO — The Discreet Hairpiece Company' dating back to a sponsorship deal struck in 1954; and the rest of him is owned by Mickey's Motors in Huddersfield after he sold 50% of himself in exchange for a down payment on his first Hillman Imp, after a rough start to his 1960-61 season left Johnny less enthusiastic about the team coach. Granted, FIFA might not be involved yet — but in Fessops' view, it's only a matter of time.

Respectfully,

Fothergill