It's The End Of The World As We Know It

...and Johnny P feels fine

Johnny Pundit: Global perspective

Vanilla with that, Sir?

Lennon: imagine

Funny old thing, Football. For instance, wasn't the World Cup better when the world wasn't Global, but merely a globe? Aren't all the teams on show now basically the same?

Salmon

I was slammed repeatedly into this suggestion over a full pipe and a jug of mild in The Mixed Metaphor, the pundits' drinking hole in London's fashionable Soho, by Fothergill, Football Correspondent for The Light Programme. "Dull old World Cup", I'd harrumphed, innocently. "Precious few surprises, hardly any goals, too many penalty shoot-outs, not enough dazzle." Somewhat to my astonishment Fothergill leapt out of his seat like a salmon — if salmon are ever balding, dressed in tweed and blessed with spectacles like the ends of milk bottles.

Vanilla

"I've been saying this for years!" he yelped, turfing his gin and tonic over my brogues. "Coaching has got better, at all levels, but so has communication — so everyone knows what everyone else is doing. Result: No surprises and everyone's the same! It's just like society — 'the vanilla society', I call it. It's true culturally, and politically. No more mods and rockers, Johnny: everyone looks and thinks the same. And what's the difference between New Labour and the new Tories? Eh? Hmm?"

Fruit for afters

To be honest, at this point he was losing me, but fortunately he got back onto football again. "Out-and-out wingers, that's what the game needs; something to unlock the box, a rogue element, an element of chance. Interesting that Chelsea, who are dominating the Premier League, have no less than four quality, out-and-out wingers. That's what we need, Johnny: the return of the winger! How different would our World Cup have been if Aaron Lennon had started every game…" After a couple of hours I managed to shut him up. Realised afterwards I was just in a blue funk after England's early exit. Of course football isn't all the same; just look at Sunderland last season. Vanilla society? Don't know what the silly old fool's blithering on about. More like fruit and nut, isn't it? Good thing too, if you ask me.

Till next time,

Vive la difference,

Johnny Pundit