Soccer Stars Bondage Betting

Players gamble with slaves

Footballers: Money is not enough

Slave: Wretched creature

Fight you dogs!

The Onion Bag has learned of a secret slave ring for top footballers who have taken their gambling habits to new depths by betting with real people.

Players have always enjoyed a flutter on the nags and have often passed the time between football matches by playing with each other in games of chance. However, some of them are so well paid these days that they have grown bored of gambling for mere money.

The hunt is on

So a small group of the very richest players have set up a gambling ring where they play for the highest stakes: Man.

Top class internationals challenge each other to games of chance or skill with the victor taking illegal slave workers as their winnings. These wretched humans are lured into servitude from all over the world with promises of food, work or tickets to the Emirates Stadium. From there they are sold into slavery and often used as gambling chips by fat-cat professional football players.

400 quatloos on the newcomer

"It can range from simple games of chance like poker and backgammon to pitching the slaves together in hand to hand combat" an insider told our intrepid reporter Larry Gak. "They meet up, where they can't be seen, in smoke filled dens at provincial towns like Milton Keynes, Barnsley and Liverpool. Human beings are exchanged at the throw of a dice. The players don't seem to acknowledge that these are people with families and loved ones. They just laugh and make them dance for their pleasure."

I can explain

Outrage at this latest diabolical craze has reached as high as Her Majesty's Government. Prime Minister Tony Blair has apologised (sort of) but Pro–football's union kingpin Gordon Taylor is more sympathetic toward the players:

"It's a tough job being a top class footballer these days. What with all that sitting around doing nothing when not playing games for a living." he said "It's just high spirits nothing more. Some of those slaves are quite well off you know. They get room & board and free healthcare which is a damn site better than the national health… I can see I've said too much."

Duffman