Expect The Unexpected

Pundit on the football (left) field

Pundit: Always a surprise

Keane: Teddy Bear User of the Year 2008

Ferguson: Understanding

Funny old thing, Football. For instance, the unexpected. Spurs finally beat Arsenal. Newcastle haul Keegan back to the hottest of hotseats.

Death or an early exit

Found myself in the press box at the Reebok recently. During a brief lull watching Wanderers defend a non-existent lead to the death (increasingly an attractive option for much of the crowd), a few of us pundits, hacks and has-beens tried to predict the Next Completely Unexpected Thing in Football.

Ordinary-looking bird

Fothergill, my old pal at The Light Programme, weighed in with [%iWolves win Premier league in dramatic return to big club status. My other chum, Henry Ham — just appointed football correspondent at The Chess Channel — suggested Sir Alex "completely relaxed" about ref error. Grubb of The Sun pictured the headline: Premier League footballer marries ordinary-looking bird and settles down in nice semi-detached near Hornsey.

Finally acknowledged

Snyde of The Mail posited: Agents' contribution to society finally acknowledged; Snere at The Express came back with Tabloid journalists' contribution to society finally acknowledged. My personal favourite was from Hume of The Home Service: Roy Keane wins Teddy Bear User of the Year Award.

Pundit stuns audience

Bafflingly, Proctor at the Guardian was judged the overall winner. Squirming in his sandals, scratching his unconvincing little beard, he mumbled: Pundit stuns audience with elegant, informed analysis.

Man's a disgrace to the profession.

Johnny Pundit