Un-wise Selection

Kev quits over sarnie trust issues

Keegan: Unfitting farewell

Wise: Happier times

Toon Army: Relaxed attitude to work

The Onion Bag can reveal that it was unwanted food order from Dennis Wise that finally did for Kevin Keegan and forced the embattled Toon boss to quit.

Who's the Daddies

Keegan had felt increasingly marginalised and undermined by Wise since his appointment as director of football. Sources within St James' Park hear stories of the former Wimbledon bad-boy ordering stationary, changing toilet rolls and signing players without consulting the manager.

Every Monday, Keegan orders a round of sandwiches for his squad as a treat, win lose or draw: Bacon in white bread and brown sauce. Last Monday however, the sandwich van arrived with a different order: Lettuce and tomato on Rye bread. Keegan demanded to know who had changed the order only to be told it was Wise.

Old gags never die

One of the players revealed later: "Me and the lads weren't too happy with our grub." he told us in a helicopter on the way to his stables in Cheshire "We mentioned it to the gaffer and he went barmy. He insists we have the same sarnies every week. He just loves it when we eat them. Loves it!"

Keegan stormed up to Wise's office to have it out with him. Then he realised that his office was in London so instead he burst into club owner Mike Ashley's office and demanded that Wise be sacked or he would quit. He waited in the empty room for three days before giving up and walked anyway.

Industrial relations

Meanwhile the Toon Army, sensing that all was not well, dropped everything and assembled with burning torches outside the club. There they stayed until Thursday. Early indications are that they will be allowed back to work despite no one quite understanding how they can just get away with walking out in the first place.

Look behind the cheese rolls Luv

We caught up with the man at the centre of the row who delivered the sandwiches. Nik Dogbolter of the Hungry Toon caterers, a proud Geordie and Newcastle mad: "Actually I'm from South Shields and I hate football. Are you going to buy something?"

Duffman