James Ankaman Wags The Dog

Keane not so keen on girls

James Ankaman: Crikey

Keane: Animal lover

Triggs: Must stay at least 100 yards away from

Bion Giorno again dear reader, or should that be arrivederci Roma as yours truly abandons his beloved Serie A for the colder climbs of the BT tower and the Premier League.

Cheap at half the price

And what a start we've had mighty listener. You will, no doubt, have heard of the extraordinary outburst from the Sunderland manager Roy Keane on the influence that wives and girlfriends (that's WAGs to you dear red-top reader) have on football player's choice of football club. It seems, o illustrious viewer, that Royston has been jilted at the transfer alter by players whose missuseseses are not keen (geddit?) to swap the Harvey Nichols in Knightsbridge for the Primark in the Bridges Shopping Centre on Wearside.

Forza Triggs

Far be it from me, esteemed web surfer, to contradict the great man, but I'm forced to recall a brief encounter with said Keane some years ago at the Turin Kennel Club Expo. Myself and Mrs Ankaman had entered our dog Vialli in the best Dachshund category when we bumped into the Keanes while scoping out the city ahead of a proposed move to Juventus.

"You realise," said Mrs Ankaman to Roy's better half, "the shopping here is appalling". Mrs Keane merely shrugged and whispered something under her breath about Roy's career coming first when she was interrupted by the man himself : "I don't care about any of that," he barked with such force that Mrs A almost choked on her extra large mocha. "So long as there are plenty of friends for my dog, Triggs"

Dog day afternoon

"Oh dear," said Mrs A, as she wiped amaretto syrup off her Channel 4 Barbour. "Most of the dogs here travel south with their owners for the winter. I'm afraid yours will be very lonely". Keane looked crestfallen and said something about hoping that Triggs would understand how important this move will be to his career. However viewers, as you well know, he never did join Juve. Talk about being puppy-whipped... crickey.

Vialli won third prize if you're interested. Good doggie.

Johnny Pundit is away.

James Ankaman