Adios England!

Scotland look to Spain for glory

Spain's success: we'll have a bit of that - Scotland

Scottish fan: I'm ready for a sporting and cultural meeting-of-the-minds

Lady Spanish football fans: must stay at least 100 yards away from

Following the Premier League's rejection of plans to bring Scottish Old Firm clubs Rangers and Celtic into the top flight of English football, now the national side north of the border has appealed to current European Champions and 2010 World Cup favourites Spain to be part of their successful set-up.

The Great Escape

Scottish FA spokesman Shughie McFee lamented last night, "Our club football is rubbish. Our national side is the same. The Premier League don't want our clubs but we think Spain might want our international set-up. if Spain was to merge with Scotland, we could give them thousands of loyal drunks, classy players like, like, like... and some jaunty chants, too!"

Zorro

Don Diego de la Vega, an important person in Spanish football told The Onion Bag, "Que? Scot-er-land? Si, si - you make funny joke, no?"

Jock McCosh, chairman of Scotland Hopes for International Travel, an international supporters club, "Ah cannae see why the Spaniards have a prooblem. Scuttish people love Spain, and thousands of us get burnt there every year. Who'd not want all of us, white and pasty, marauding through their towns and cities?"

The Lone Ranger

The attempt to ingratiate themselves with their betters is the latest in a line of disappointments for the Scottish national side. Currently managerless after the dismissal of George Burley, previous managerial appointments have also failed to garner success - German Berti Vogts' reign was a disaster only to be replaced by secret Nazi agent Walter Schmidt.

Castro