Week Twenty Six: Turn your head and cough

"There's no change in that pocket" said the commentator on Bundesliga Highlights on Setanta last nights. In fact there was no pocket in those shorts, Just a pair of goolies, Markus Schuler of Bielefeld's in fact. Schuler was playing against Hamburg and found himself involved in an altercation with one David Jarolim who had just got up from one his frequent trips to the ground. Schuler suspected Jarolim of diving. Jarolim, outraged by this slur, demanded satisfaction so tweaked Schulers bollocks. By this time the ref had seen quite enough and sent Jarolim to the showers, presumably where he could tweak his own, bollocks that is. The game finished 1-1 and 10 a side as Jorg Bohm was sent off for two yellows. Apparently, that was the extent of the excitement.

For the sake of the title race it was a shame Jarolim couldn't keep his hands to himself. Three points against lowly opposition would have closed the gap to 6 points on Bayern. The leaders were held to a 1-1 draw at Nurnberg in the Bavarian derby, Podolski getting off the mark for the season with a late strike.

In fact the top of the Bundesliga seems to have adopted some sort of holding pattern, which suits Bayern down the ground. As long as everyone else keeps drawing until the end of the season, Bayern will be crowned champions and we can all start getting ready for Euro 2008.

The only team prepared to take the initiative are Bremen, although you can't help but feel that they've got the wrong end of the stick. Thomas Schaaf's heroic failures have had a dreadful March and this latest defeat at home to Duisberg sees them drop to fifth. Fortunately, Stuttgart could only manage a draw against Hannover on Sunday so Werder have some breathing space above the Champions.

Schalke occupies the final Champions League place. The Gelsenkirchen club are a point above Leverkusen and Bremen. Bayer will be seething over their 2-0 home reverse to Frankfurt who themselves are now in the European mix. Even Wolfsburg could claim to have something to play for in the run in following their incredibly dull 1-0 victory at Rostock.

The weekend’s only mid-table clash was the derby between Bochum and Dotmund. Both teams played with the sort of gay abandon that only teams who have packed up for the season can play. 3-3 was the final score.

It’s getting real at the bottom though. Cottbus are out of the bottom three for the first time since 1977. Skela bagged a brace in their 2-1 win against Hertha. If you leave out Dortmund on 31 points, the relegation battle is between Rostock (lost), Cottbuss (won), Duisberg (won), Bielefeld (drew) and Nurnberg (drew). There is only four points between them so it really is all to play for. Should be a cracking climax to the season.

That’s it. Results and table here. Follow the Bundesbag on Twitter here.